At the grocery store today, I stopped in the candy aisle to look for After Eight Thin Mints, which are a Thanksgiving tradition dating from Paul’s childhood. As I scanned the shelves, I noticed a row of simple white wrappers with bands of color and block lettering. I am drawn to elegance, but what first caught my eye about this packaging was the word written across one chocolate bar: FORGIVENESS.
FORGIVENESS? What kind of name is this for a chocolate bar? Is this the chocolate to give when you’re asking forgiveness, or when you’re granting it? I have no good answer for the first question (other than silly); I let the chocolate bar’s wrapper answer the second one:
FORGIVENESS is easier said than done. With FORGIVENESS, let the chocolate do the work. The rich, dark cocoa has a zest of lemon but the real secret is NeOpuntia®, a natural cactus extract rich in fiber and known to reduce the intake of calories. Indulge! Forgive. And forget.
Don’t need FORGIVENESS? How about PLEASURE (dark chocolate), VIGOR (coffee-flavored), RENEW (blackcurrant-flavored), TRANQUILITY (lavender-infused) or REJOICE (orange-flavored)?
Hey, did you notice that four of these words are nouns and two verbs? Why not make them all nouns? RENEWAL and JOY are just as woo-woo as RENEW and REJOICE. Oh, but wait… the company makes several other varieties: SEXY (ginger), BLUSH (cherry) and COCOON (cinnamon). While BLUSH and COCOON are both noun and verb, SEXY is an adjective! Never mind.
Because I was amused (and because I had a blog post to write today), I brought home a small bar of RENEW. I hoped that it might help me to feel better, but that wasn’t exactly in its plans:
Out with the old, in with RENEW. Savor the sweet sophistication and antioxidant rejuvenation of blackcurrant and dark chocolate. RENEW, refresh, repeat.
Looks like RENEW won’t take care of my sore throat. Too bad they don’t have a bar called HEAL. Or they could call it WELLNESS; perhaps that would sell better.
More on this chocolate at NEWTREE… and yes, that’s just one word. I’m sure they spent a lot of money making that decision, too.
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2 responses so far ↓
I know there are more important things to get riled up about in the world, but truly, that packaging, those name, those blurbs, are the most sole-suckingly depressing thing I have had the misfortune to be exposed to since the Humvee.
No, actually they’re worse because they have so many nuanced layers and flavorpoints of horribleness.
[shudder]
Dieters can try DESIST.